Cockney Mermaid

Music: Felix Clement
Lyrics: Felix Clement

[chorus]

There just ain’t no place for a cockney mermaid,

Beauty for my like is ruthlessly stereotyped

While me sisters sip champagne from a dainty cockle shell

I chugs a bottle of vodka all to meself

Way!

Ooo are ya!

I’m a Mermaid innit, a wheeling dealing, stealin’ kinda girl can you feel it,

My shiny tail like a slippery saveloy, I’m tellin’ you now don’t mess with me boy

I’ll out drink yer, I’ll sink yer and if you get in my face I’ll sort you out

Cuz I’m a slippery bugger, and the kinda girl yer mother would’ve given you second thoughts about

While me sisters combs their luscious hair, I smokes a pack of menthol fags

While they’re getting ready for bed I’m hangin’ down the Anchor and Crown with the lads

An’ if you’ll be a gentleman and ain’t too stingy with your cash,

Then me and yer mates will be going down to Yates and we’ll probably be spendin’ every penny on the lash!

Way!

[chorus]

There just ain’t no place for a cockney mermaid,

Beauty for my like is ruthlessly stereotyped

While me sisters sip champagne from a dainty cockle shell

I chugs a bottle of vodka all to meself

Truth is there ain’t much in where you’re from but now

Jus cuz me dad was born Barkin’ you thinks I’m some silly old cow

Least I ain’t like those Southern girls what thinks that they’re so special

Gives them a couple o’ sherbets and they go bloody mental

Those other mermaids you never want to trust they’re wicked, cruel and tarty,

They’ll spend all yer money and think it’s really funny

When they’re sleepin’ with yer mates at yer birthday party

But I been love starved of sailors all of me days

While me sisters pulls down six of seven of the buggers straight out the bays

[chorus]

There just ain’t no place for a cockney mermaid,

Beauty for my like is ruthlessly stereotyped

While me sisters sip champagne from a dainty cockle shell

                                           I chugs a bottle of vodka all to meself

[chorus]

There just ain’t no place for a cockney mermaid,

Beauty for my like is ruthlessly stereotyped

While me sisters sip champagne from a dainty cockle shell

I chugs a bottle of vodka all to meself