I’ve Got a Beard

I've got a beard, it's important to me
Having a beard's my destiny
I've got a beard and it makes me strong
Having a beard means I’m never wrong

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They say I'm evil, how could that be
When I grew this beard at the age of three
They say I'm bad but that's impossible
Cuz this beard makes me infallible

​

[chorus]
If I push in line (BEARD!)
If I call your mother a swine (BEARD!)
If I steal your eggs (BEARD!)
If I break your legs (BEARD!)
It's okay because I have a beard

​

Having a beard is good at sea
The crew are completely terrified of me
That's mostly because I had their manhood speared
But that's okay because I have a beard

​

Yes having a beard is bloody good
When I draw my pistol, I'm understood
Now give me your cash and don't get brave
Cuz I'll be painting the deck, with yer brains!

 

[chorus]
If I push in line (BEARD!)
If I call your mother a swine (BEARD!)
If I steal your eggs (BEARD!)
If I break your legs (BEARD!)
It's okay because I have a beard

 

Yes, having these hairs upon my chin
means I can do almost anything
That's right!

Now you know the facts of life
And you know why I'll never ever take a wife
I don't care if you think it's weird 
Cuz I'm legally married, to my beard!

​

[chorus]
If I push in line (BEARD!)
If I call your mother a swine (BEARD!)
If I steal your eggs (BEARD!)
If I break your legs (BEARD!)
It's okay because I have a beard

If he goes up a tone (BEARD!)
Makes the whole band groan (BEARD!)
If he writes a line (BEARD!)
Just to force a rhyme (BEARD!)
It's okay because he has a beard!

​

That's right it's a fantastic beard
A beard to make you feel afeard
It's a fantastic beard
Hallelujah