Son! Yer Mother Was a Tavern Wench! 
(The Incest Song)

[Trevelyan Harper, Felix Clement, Both]

 

Father, please tell me about my mother

Ah, son, you don’t, want to know about her

Oh, but I do, she must have been a special girl

Aye she had, many a special talent

So just come clean, what kind of woman was she?

 

Well, I’ll tell ya

 

Yer mother was a tavern wench

She only cost me seven pence

But in those days that was quite a lot

Especially for a girl with a peg leg and a missing eye

But me the lads all gave her a go.

And that was how you were born you know

 

Father, did she have, long red curly hair?

Aye, she did, like anchor rope made from amber

And father did she have, a scar under her left breast?

Aye, she did, how could you know about that?

Well Dad, you see, last night I was out drinking and ...

And what?

 

I got with a tavern wench

She only cost me seven pence

And I didn’t think that was very much

Especially for a girl with a peg leg and a missing eye

But I thought I’d have a bit of fun

Are you telling me that was my Mum?!

 

Oh, it ain’t so bad son, I never knew my Mum

She orphaned me to the sea and since then that’s where I’ve been

Yes, I heard from Captain Cork, she used to live in this town

And she worked in a brothel till it tragically burned down

 

Aye yes, that’s how I heard she died

Oh no the Captain said, that she survived

The fire only took her left leg and her right eye

And now she works, in a tavern by the bay

 

Oh ... really?

Yes ... really

 

Our mother was a tavern wench

She only cost us seven pence

And now that seems like a hell of a lot.

Especially for a girl with double incest on her mind

Though incest isn’t actually a crime.

At least not at this moment in time!

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